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a Wedding Ceremony Order of Events |
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Below
are listed 16 events associated with wedding ceremonies. Each
has a description, and a photo icon to help you visualize
what I'm describing. At the bottom of the page is an example
of a typical wedding ceremony and the order of events that
would accompany it.
If
you are a bride or a groom, you will ultimately be picking
up a marriage license at your county courthouse. Take a good
look at it. It will ask for your names, the location where
you are going to be married, the name and title of the person
who performs your ceremony etc. That's pretty much it. Most
marriage licenses issued in the counties of Chicagoland, as
well as nationwide, require anywhere from 7 to 16 blanks to
be filled in.
What
the marriage license does not do, is ask you to describe your
ceremony in any way. It does not ask if the bride wore a wedding
dress; if the couple lit a Unity Candle; if any readers participated;
or if you exchanged vows or rings. None of this is required
to be married, and so none of this is required in a wedding
ceremony.
Therefore,
everything you do in a wedding ceremony is optional.
So as you plan your ceremony, choose the options you want,
and leave out those you don't. Those options, the things you
want to do in your wedding ceremony, becomes its Order Of
Events (also known as an Order Of Services).
Now
let's look at the typical events of a wedding ceremony... |
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Your
ushers are to seat only your immediate family members
and VIPs, not your guests. Showing 200 guests to their
seats could take up to an hour. Upon joining us, your
ushers should welcome your guests and invite them to sit
wherever they wish. In this way your audience will have
a balanced look, not favoring either family. |
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Let your
groomsmen escort their bridesmaids. Don't use the Chippendale
entrance of a gaggle of tuxedoed guys entering with a
groom, only to leave the bridesmaids to make unescorted
entrances. This defeats the male/female nature of the
ritual. Each groomsman will escort his lady to place,
and then will walk over to the groom and congratulate
him before his on looking guests. |
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Confident,
poised, and elegant, are just some of the words your guests
are going to use to describe how you made your entrance.
Whatever anxiety you may have had about walking down the
aisle, my thorough rehearsal is going to remove it. I'm
going to extensively coach you, and your entrance is going
to be smooth baby, just like an actress. |
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I will begin
your ceremony by speaking to you and your guests about
what your marriage means to all of us. This commentary
is spoken from the center of the audience, allowing everyone
to hear me while they are treated to seeing you and your
magnificent bridal party fully arrayed before them. For
guests and photographers,- this format has no equal. |
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This is a
series of questions whereby you are Declaring
what you are Intending on doing- namely
joining your lives in marriage. The Declarations of Intent
are the mission statements of a wedding ceremony. You
both answer my questions with "I Do." The Declarations
of Intent, along with the exchanges of Vows and Rings
lay the foundation for virtually all wedding ceremonies.
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The use of
readers is very important stagecraft for your ceremony.
They connect you with your guests because they come from
the audience, not the bridal party. Their presence is
photogenic and thereby develops your photo album. The
reading should be brief; no one wants War And Peace! After
their reading, the reader will give each of you a hug.
A perfect contribution indeed! |
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Here you
verbally commit your lives to each other. I use some very
beautiful vow sets but I enthusiastically invite you to
consider composing your own! Your guests will be delighted
with you and this act alone will take your ceremony to
the next level. Write your words on an index card and
while holding hands, read them to him/her. Your guests
will be enrapt! |
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I am a very
big advocate of using two readers in any given ceremony.
One reader associated with the groom; the other the bride.
You can find these readings on my website, on the Internet,
on blogs, or your reader can compose his or her own. Some
love to do this! If only one reader is used during your
ceremony, he/she is used here and not in position 6 above. |
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Here you
give each other a physical expression of fidelity. A bridesmaid
and groomsman each are given a ring before the ceremony
begins. It matters not who gets which ring as your guests
do not study this. Do not give your bridal party members
the rings in their boxes or pouches. Also, do not give
rings to children, give them costume jewelry on the ring
pillow. Only adults hold rings. |
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Choose
one of these options to be the focal point of your ceremony.
Highly entertaining to watch and eminently photogenic,
these five options are the heart and soul of my ceremonies.
Guests 70 rows deep will lean forward in their seats to
watch you do this. No other event- in any "traditional"
wedding ceremony- can rival these. Typical primary options
are: The Unity Candle, Wine Sharing,
The Sand Ceremony, The blessing
Tree, and Tasting the Elements. |
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As the Primary
Options shown above join the two of you in marriage, so
the Giving of Roses joins each of you
to your new families. The greatest expressions of joy
for a bride and groom can be seen in the faces and body
language of the attending guests at this moment. The Giving
of Roses is the emotional high ground of my ceremonies. |
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Your marriage
will touch many lives just as your lives were touched
by many. Family and friends (living and deceased), your
children and your culture start the list. If honoring
these contributors belongs in your ceremony there are
many photogenic and meaningful ways of doing it. These
five are but a sample list. There are dozens you can
choose. Typical supplemental options include: Actions
In Memoriam, Parental Vows,
Using a Photo Montage, Signing
a Marriage License and Ketubah Signing. |
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I can see
it in the faces of my brides and grooms when I speak these
final words of their ceremony. It's the look of joyful
expectation infused with triumph. They know they have
aced the test, that their ceremony has well exceeded their
guests expectations, and that the richly deserved compliments
of those guests await them. |
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Your married
life begins with affection! What could be more fitting?
And yes, during rehearsal you both will learn correct
posing and arm placement for this embrace. I leave nothing
to chance in my ceremonies. This photo is a one shot deal;
we don't get to repeat it. |
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I'll ask
all of your guests to come join me in center aisle.
With photographers in place, and a great choice of music
playing, you both, hand in hand, will begin slowly moving
through these well wishers. They will applaud you, or
toss petals, or ring hand bells as you kiss again in
the middle of it all.
Imagine the photography! |
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The compliments
begin here, and they will go on all night long. If you
haven't done so, please read the Letters of Appreciation
page of my website to read what my couples said their
guests told them about their ceremonies. Make every effort
to include time for a reception line after your ceremony.
Your guests are dying to tell you how happy they are for
you! |
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our example, Michael and Hayley are planning a wedding
ceremony that will include the following: a reading
from Hayley's uncle Matt, the exchange of personally
written vows, the exchange of rings, Unity Sand, the
giving of roses to their parents, and parental vows
to their son Andrew.
A
suggested Order Of Events for this ceremony is shown
at right. This Order of Events would appear inside their
wedding handbill as distributed to their guests prior
to the ceremony.
I
cannot emphasize this enough- everything you do in a
wedding ceremony is optional!! And how you describe
your wedding ceremony in its handbill, can be done as
briefly or as extensively as you like. Once the ceremony
begins, guests will no longer look at the Order Of Events;
they'll be looking at the drama unfolding before them.
So don't get carried away with the details! It's not
a scorecard or a check list.
The
primary purpose of your Order Of Events is to let your
guests know what to expect in your ceremony, from whom,
and what to photograph. All intermediate and large scale
wedding ceremonies, regardless of how "formal"
they are, deserve a published Order Of Events. |
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The
Seating of Our Guests
The Entrance of the Groom
The Entrance of the Bridal Party
The Entrance of the Bride
The Opening Commentary
The Declarations of Intent
The Exchange of Our Personal Vows
A Reading ..... from Hayley's Uncle Matt
The Exchange of Rings
The Joining of Unity Sand
The Giving of Roses to Our Parents
Taking Parental Vows to Our Son Andrew
Final Commentary
Our First Kiss and Introduction
Recessional Walk With Our Guests
Our Reception Line
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